Hillary Can Be President Now

Newz you can afford to lose

From the AssAssicated Press, for immediate release:

The Democratic National Committee has called in their heavy hitter, Hillary Clinton, to dispatch salvage what remains of Joe Biden’s candidacy for President 2024.

Despite concerns that her presence on the campaign could backfire, as Ms Clinton is less popular than Covid-19, the DNC remains confident that her presence can only be safe and effective for the campaign.

Even so, not everyone is convinced. Some have suggested Ms Clinton is paving a path to her own candidacy, for a rematch between herself and Donald J Trump.

Some are wondering why Barry O has been silent, when he is the heaviest hitter of them all, when he is largely responsible for changing the course of the 2020 election, in South Carolina, kingmaking Joe Biden.

Ms Clinton has passed off all concerns, assuring the press that “Joe Biden is the nominee, and he will be president 2024-2028.”

Still, rumors of less sanguine goings-on persist.

Ms Clinton, beseeching King Obama,”just let me put him out of his misery.” (It is unclear if those are actually hands from the alien lizard habitating inside her, or she had them grafted from the carcass of an alien)

An insider who demanded he remain nameless, has said Ms Clinton is in fact lining up support in the party - in ways that shall remain nameless.

There is much discussion though, despite the um, favors, about how a nominee Clinton would get past her status as one of the most reviled politicians in the modern era.

The current consensus among insiders: what always works in America, sex appeal. With AI they are convinced they can turn the Madam of the Beltway into a sex object to beguile young and old.

This image was definitely, probably, surely not generated from the original on Epstein Island.

Others are more realistic. Trans is the thing now, definitely not sex appeal. Huma Abedin, her closest confident, is said to be encouraging her to become a man, as surely this is the last possible presidential election she could win, she should do whatever she can to win.

But Barry’s Queen, who is rumored to have gone through a similar transition, suggested that America isn’t really ready for that.

Ms Clinton cannot run for president without stepping over the Vice President, Ms Harris, and alienating the black female vote, especially as a man.

Ms Clinton, according to the Queen, has to become a black woman.

Ms Clinton is said to be leaning toward blackface, rather than a sex change. Having acted like a sociopathic man most of her life, casual racism is at once familiar but still a novelty. And, it wouldn’t involve taking a chunk of her leg to make a schlong.

Stepping out as a black woman, testing that among black feminists, the reaction has been summed up as, “anything but Trump.” A few black women suggested it could raise their profile, and their cause, of the restoration of the Sistaz empire.

At least one who was, but is no longer in the inner circle, and may or may not be among the living said, “you all have lost your phucking marbels.” Ms Clinton, when she heard that, cackled, ominously.

Joe Biden, when asked about Ms Clinton’s involvement in his campaign, or rather, surviving it, merely stared into the distance.

“chocolate ice cream.”