Men's Rendesvous 2023

Good men, good times

[Post too long for email]

My nephew called and asked me the evening before we were to leave for the great north woods and this year’s men’s Rendesvous, “Can Eli come?”

“It’s a little late to ask. I don't think so, but I will think about it and get back to you within the hour.” Nephew didn't wait, showing up with Eli ten minutes later. They talked me into it within 5 minutes. I’m glad they did. Eli’s grandma who he lives with came over, we talked about it and she called me a Saint. I told her surely, no one has ever called me that.

Ed, who also makes drums from wood and deer skin he harvests and cures, among other such talents, taught the boys how to make fire.

I went fishing several times with the boys, but nephew was the only one who caught a fish, a northern pike, the biggest fish he ever caught. He was very proud. We used the guts etc to catch about 30 crayfish. Eli caught a painted turtle off the dock with a fish net. Later he caught a garter snake. He was very proud of himself too.

That is not Dan the Kitchen King, that is First Bill, in the camp kitchen, who went to the first Rendesvous at this site 30 years ago. On the left, behind the sink, is the drying rack I built. It was not my design, nor did I gather or deliver the materials. That was Gary, who is 83, who started building it the day we arrived. Our first night there Gary was the second to last one still awake, educating me around the fire on the attributes of a wide variety of guns. Retiring to the cabin, though he had two sleep apnea machines with him, he used the one he had never used before, waking up at 3am, the machine smothering him. He climbed out of bed, fell and banged his head. EMT’s arrived on a boat and carried him down the shore on a stretcher. His oxygen level was 77. Gary is fine, surely one of the most stubborn, snarly SOB’s I have ever encountered, though he did have to go home early. Good Lewis was kind enough to cut his trip short and drive Gary 250 miles home. It was the first time in anyone's memory there was a medical emergency at the Rendesvous.

I also fixed the well water pitcher pump, which hadn't worked properly for several years.

For the first time in my many hundreds of days in these boundary waters, coffee was prepared before I crawled out of the tent. Thanks Dan. Dan cooks at home too, for his wife who does the fishing and watches Packers football while he happily bakes bread. Nephew said his tacos were the best he ever had.

Much of the weekend was a Snake memorial. Snake was too ill last year to attend. He died this past late winter.

First Bill was there many years ago, when a man arrived at camp paddling his cedar strip canoe, which he had built. The man was very particular about his canoe and would not let anyone touch it, so Snake suspended it in the middle of the night between two poplars, 35ft off the ground (which poplars are not in this picture because they came down in a strong wind several years ago). No one saw Snake do it.

Randall, who organized the last several Rendesvous’, told a story about how Snake’s best friend Alan stormed furious from his tent into the circle around the fire and threw a pair of shit covered underwear in the ash near the fire. “God damnit, Snake, I’ve had enough of this!” Snake looked at everyone around the fire, stood up, grabbed the underwear, sat back down, and licked it. The shit turned out to be peanut butter.

(Randall is a talented artist and a gifted builder, as well as the head Rendesvous organizer.)

Somebody donated a derelict canoe. Randall spray-painted it, we all signed it.

Then Frank the Arborist, with a little help, suspended it in two trees.

I suppose it is just a trick of the camera, but all of us could see in our mind’s eye, the shine of Snake’s smile.

That is Joloni on the left, the only black man there. He flew up from Florida, as did the guy with hair on the right, Mark. The bald man is Elias, who is Lebanese American, a professional opera singer and college professor. Mark and Elias are both proudly gay. Joloni and Mark stayed up late with me around the fire, my last two nights. Joloni works in health insurance, Mark is a paramedic now a licensed psychiatrist, both are firefighters. The first night we had a very long talk about Trans, which I asked their opinion about. Surprisingly, Mark and I were pretty much in sync about that.

They said, no provocative questions, the second night; then later brought up Covid. When I said that was potentially a VERY provocative question, they didn't ask my opinion, and I didn't really care to get into it. Joloni talked instead about a lucid dream conversation he had with his dead grandfather, and how he is trying to cultivate such a dream with his other grandfather, who he never met.

Every morning and every evening we held a circle. Circles are mostly check-ins, usually with some kind of theme. The first evening the boys took part, but we let them be boys after that. Gerardo, who was born in Guadalajara, played his flute, and told us of the special needs man he caretakes, and he is funny and made us all laugh. Elias taught us a lot about breath and vocalization. Second Bill waxed on about everything from sled dogs to the reproductive habits of turtles. Portugal Rob was a quiet, supportive elder presence. All of the men have gone through the New Warrior training, though most of them are more emotional alchemist magicians and lovers than warriors, in the archetypal sense.

A lot of these guys work with people with special needs, addictions and assorted trauma.

A lot of the talk was about how much the Mankind Project has changed, how it is a shell of what it once was, how it is bowing to the woke, though maybe half the guys are still involved to some degree (the Rendesvous is not affiliated with The Mankind Project, and at least one man said he would not participate in the Rendesvous if it was). The last evening I was there the theme was embarrassing shit stories (humility). The last morning each man spoke about his mission.

Everyone told me repeatedly, how glad they were I brought the boys. Both boys impressed, with their joy, their enthusiasm and their eagerness to help and to learn. The boys were a good reminder, many said, what it was like to be a boy, to have such close male friends. One man teared up when he told me how much he wished he had an uncle like me. Several men said they truly enjoyed watching and listening to the long experiential tutorial I gave the boys, about how to properly split logs. None there had ever seen boys so eager to split logs. The boys helped out a lot with hauling and stacking too. I even let them fell a couple of small dead trees with a logging axe.

The Rendesvous is still going on, another four days from the time I put this post together. I would have liked to stay until the end, but the boys, being on summer break, had a pressing need to get back to the city.

One of the guys told me I was like his stand-in for Snake. I’m sure no one has ever compared us, the comparison is not at all apt, nor do I remember ever feeling so honored. Randall rescued Snake’s clothing from a trip to the thrift store, gave me one of his favored shirts, and then I got emotional.

Randall and I talked about getting more men involved, getting more boys involved, being more intentional about it next year.

After bringing the boys safely home, if I didn't have an appointment I shouldn't miss, I would drive back up there. How often does a man get to sit in a life affirming circle with other men, at the edge of the wilderness?