[post too long for email, mostly pics]
The she/her’s of The View kicked off election season in style, inviting Vice President Kamala Harris to speak Truth about the achievements of the Biden Administration, sporting the The New Current Thing. Not ready to cede the country to Nazis, a new Fizer mRNA jab allows feminists to gender bend masculine new mustaches, to preempt the threat of fascism and HitlerPutinTrump. Thereby too, finally achieving a state of total unattractiveness, a primary goal of feminism.
‘Really, every time I look in the mirror,’ said the widely recognized political genius, smartest womb-haver in DC, VP Kamala Harris, ‘I feel like our time has come, because time is real, and it is ours, time, because it is real, and we are real, like time.’
‘What are you going to do about all those crazies,’ barked Joy Behar, channeling the anxiety of barren liberal professionals everywhere.
‘We have the FBI, CIA, NSA, DOJ, DHS and the Pentagon,’ the VP smartly replied, ‘What can’t we do with them, is the question,’ cackling, cackling to the delight of Liberals everywhere.
Sunny Hostin was characteristically straight forward. ‘Nazi’s need to be rounded up and eliminated. There really is no saving democracy without that.’ When asked who she thinks is a Nazi, she said ‘there are at least 73 million of them, and they all voted for Donald Trump. But also pretty much anyone who identifies as a man, especially white men, really all conservatives, or who is Asian, or a Jew.’
Alyssa Farah Griffin was the only woman on the panel who did not take the jab, taking heat from the she/her’s and the VP for not being sufficiently anti-nazi. Hostin in particular took offense, with a wave of her hand passing off Griffin as the “house Nazi.” Griffin simply rolled her eyes and said, ‘I don’t quite see how not getting a Hitler ‘stache makes me a Nazi.’ It is rumored the VP demanded Griffin’s resignation, or ABC would be hearing from the FCC and DOJ.
‘God is truly on our side,’ intoned Whoppi, righteously taking the lead from Herr Sharpton, in the heady days after, the glow of the VP visit still lingering; while CNN’s Nicole Wallace had a quiet orgasm imagining the possibilities of the DEI/ESG Era, eliminating MAGA and Trump. Even as her mustache was criticized as not being prominent enough.
Mr Sharpton, loathe to shave his characteristic mustache, simply decided to color-in, in solidarity.
No one has articulated the threat of white Christians more clearly than MSNBC’s Joy Reid, who social-justice media celebrated as having a hair style worthy of a proper fuhrer.
‘We do not take this decision lightly,’ said MSNBC’s Dick Maddow, regarding not broadcasting Trumps victory speech in Iowa, ‘but we are determined to save democracy by any means necessary, anything goes and nothing matters in the absolute and total destruction of MAGA and Trump.’
CNN’s Kaitlin Collins was widely celebrated for the most balanced new look.
Representative Pramila Jayapal took the jab and is daily boosted, to prove to the purists that you can still be a Nagzee even if you masturbate to the idea of Trump and MAGA.
Fizer was able to isolate the gene early in the election cycle, the Red Priestess of MSNBC Jen Psaki spontaneously growing the mustache every serious liberal birthing person now covets.
Not to be outdone by the birthers, MSNBC’s Chris Hayes is doing his very best to support feminism, redefining masculinity.
Get your safe and effective mickey mouse mRNA jab at your local pharmacy, free for white not-trans identifying as men, ages 0-50. Fizer’s anti-nazi jab is available free to any birthing person identifying as a woman, of any age.