Beautiful essay...I am an older woman who chose to not have children in my early 30’s. I have never regretted my decision. I have been in long ‘relationships’ with men who have children, over the years and never married either. Having children doesn’t make you more of a ‘man or women’. It just fulfills the ‘karmic contract’ these men and women had with these other ‘souls’, when they came into this world.
My younger brother had two daughters, my nieces, who now have two daughters. They are all like my children. My love for them runs deep and pure.
Jan 19, 2023·edited Jan 19, 2023Liked by William Hunter Duncan
Nowhere has it been more clear that the postmodern emperor has no clothes than in the area of critical "gender studies," the insane excesses of the LGBT+ movement, and whatever wave of feminism we're on now. Turns out, gender roles are deeply rooted in human nature, and we're not such blank slates after all.
So now increasing numbers of folks are asking similar questions that sound radical to out 21st-century ears, but the search for answers has us rediscovering the simple wisdom of previous generations and figuring out how to apply that wisdom in our current culture. Thanks for writing on this theme and sharing your thoughts! John Carter and Jay Rollins really got this idea of tonic masculinity rolling, and in this essay, you did a great job adding some momentum to this much-needed movement!
"The simple wisdom." Indeed. No man should feel isolated or like there is something wrong with him, for wanting to be a good, solid man doing good work. Thanks for your input and stepping up!
If we're talking about the mystical aspect to the ideal archetype of a man, then the Father in the Heavens has to be mentioned. It was traditionally understood that we were children or emanations of the big sky daddy.
Entire nations were his "sons".
To be a man is to feel the connection to the spiritual father. To his heavenly family. And to the material manifestation of this which is the nation.
Masculinity and the ideas of Authoritarianism and Nationalism are inseparable. The reason they attack the former is because it leads to the latter.
True re-embracement of one's masculine nature is to also re-embrace dangerous "right-wing" ideas.
But in the Anglosphere, masculinity is associated with a kind of Libertine "fuck you, I've got mine jack" image and mentality.
My 2 cents. Good blog! John Carter recommended you!
Thanks for showing up! All true enough, what you say, but I am of the feeling one can embrace one's masculinity without embracing authoritarianism, nationalism, the libertine or a "sky daddy".
John has good things to say about you. It sounds like you have been a good friend to him. Now I am going to read your book.
Thank you for the support! I'd like to return the favor! Let me know if you want to talk on a podcast together or guest-post or cross-recommend blogs or anything like that. Happy to network!
Talk on a podcast? Nobody ever asked me that before. I will listen to a few of yours so I catch the gist of it. Botfoj73@substack. If you send an email let me know. Emails through substack can be sketchy.
"True re-embracement of one's masculine nature is to also re-embrace dangerous 'right-wing' ideas."
The idea of there even being a masculine nature is a "dangerous" right-wing idea in our feminized culture!
Also, great point about the Anglosphere's misconceived image of masculinity as a "libertine fuck you, I've got mine jack" persona. Hence, the idea in the West that masculinity can only be toxic or that narcissists like Andrew Tate are somehow representing masculinity.
A guy at the bar the other night asked me the same and got very uncomfortable when I said no, like I was going to hit on him. He has 4, and three grandkids, only 3 years older than me. Child rearing will definitely make a man of ya.
The reason I asked, is I would've assumed you wrote what you wrote, because you had met a woman and had raised a family. In that context, masculinity makes sense. This is what it means to be a man - but only in relation to family life.
What applies to a single male without children, can also apply to a single female.
Thus...
"A woman can take care of herself, she is self-supporting. That does not mean she does not have others in her life, that does not mean she doesn’t need anyone else. It simply means she can be alone and she won’t collapse and fall apart, but rather thrive.
A woman has skills. If you don’t have any skills (in something other than raising cats,) if you are functionally useless, then you are not much of a woman. There really is no excuse. Get skilled.
A woman takes risks. If you are risk averse you are never going to grow up. Character is built by taking risk and risking failure. Failure builds character at least as well as success, arguably better. That is good advice I suppose for men, but I think it is imperative for women to be women."
I'm 55. I've lived a life of solitude. I knew around the age of 14 that I wasn't interested in having a family. The male archetype for me is nothing more than a contributing member of society. I don't imagine a female archetype would be different for women who choose solitude. Except of course, for all of the cats.
Plenty of overlap, though in the tradition of the esotere there are distinct differences between male and female, while certain mythologies apply to all men whether they have children or not. As for masculinity only relating to family life, and I assume you mean by that having children, I would counter that we are all of a family even if we don't have children of our own, we associate with other men, we associate with nephews, nieces and the children of neighbors and friends, in which masculinity applies. I do suppose however if one is something like a monk he might stand outside the common mythologies.
Like I said though too - A man does not try to explain the sacred/divine/sublime feminine.
If someone doesn't play the role model of father, stepfather, uncle, or brother, where does that leave masculinity?
I come from a family as an only child. I was raised to 'be a man', which for all practical purposes meant holding down a job and paying the bills. That doesn't make me different from a woman who chose a similar path and did those things.
In terms of friendship, I expect my friendships would be more superficial than female friendships. That's more of an observation than from personal experience. I don't have trouble making friends; I'm disinclined to invest the time and energy to maintain them.
Sports, martial arts, manual labor amongst men, men-only camping, hunting and fishing, shooting, mentoring, just sitting around the bar jawing. Also, husband/boyfriend/partner. All these, masculinity plays a role.
My father took me fishing, but I was too young to understand the appeal of it. I still don't.
Real life mentor? None. I consider Carl Sagan to be my mentor.
Of the activities you mentioned, only the manual labor relationship is one I experienced. One of my first jobs was working for a fellow in his seventies. We worked side by side on projects he had going. Always had lots of projects and never enough time to finish them all. I was impressed that a man of his age could still do manual labour.
Unlike a typical employer/employee relationship, we worked well together and became friends.
Did I regard him as masculine?
I had no reason to, by virtue of his physical appearance or behavior. The only thing I considered stereotypical about him were his interactions with his wife. Quarrelsome old couple, but in a good way. Theirs was not a loveless marriage.
Compared to women, men rarely open up. If a male co-worker wanted to talk, I would listen and converse with them. I didn't consider it weird, or improper. At the other extreme, there was one guy who wouldn't stop talking about his life. From 2AM to 7AM, he had endless anecdotes. I'm a good listener, but he wore me out.
Thank-you for touching on something I still don't get. From my perspective, masculinity doesn't exist without femininity. Not on the points you mention. You are, you want to be, because she has certain expectations. This doesn't come solely from yourself.
My experience writing fictional female characters is, it is best to let them speak for themselves. Which is a good life lesson. And yes, I think it can only be good, more men talking to men about what it is to be a man.
Beautiful essay...I am an older woman who chose to not have children in my early 30’s. I have never regretted my decision. I have been in long ‘relationships’ with men who have children, over the years and never married either. Having children doesn’t make you more of a ‘man or women’. It just fulfills the ‘karmic contract’ these men and women had with these other ‘souls’, when they came into this world.
My younger brother had two daughters, my nieces, who now have two daughters. They are all like my children. My love for them runs deep and pure.
I feel the same for my niece and nephew. Both appreciate my masculinity, both feel safer when I am around.
Nowhere has it been more clear that the postmodern emperor has no clothes than in the area of critical "gender studies," the insane excesses of the LGBT+ movement, and whatever wave of feminism we're on now. Turns out, gender roles are deeply rooted in human nature, and we're not such blank slates after all.
So now increasing numbers of folks are asking similar questions that sound radical to out 21st-century ears, but the search for answers has us rediscovering the simple wisdom of previous generations and figuring out how to apply that wisdom in our current culture. Thanks for writing on this theme and sharing your thoughts! John Carter and Jay Rollins really got this idea of tonic masculinity rolling, and in this essay, you did a great job adding some momentum to this much-needed movement!
"The simple wisdom." Indeed. No man should feel isolated or like there is something wrong with him, for wanting to be a good, solid man doing good work. Thanks for your input and stepping up!
"Trans “women” are quite often toxic too, for the same reasons."
Was just saying this to some of my guys the other day! Thank you for the validation. ;) And for the great piece.
Honored. Thank you. It is strange how liberating and free it feels just to be honest about biology.
Well put!
If we're talking about the mystical aspect to the ideal archetype of a man, then the Father in the Heavens has to be mentioned. It was traditionally understood that we were children or emanations of the big sky daddy.
Entire nations were his "sons".
To be a man is to feel the connection to the spiritual father. To his heavenly family. And to the material manifestation of this which is the nation.
Masculinity and the ideas of Authoritarianism and Nationalism are inseparable. The reason they attack the former is because it leads to the latter.
True re-embracement of one's masculine nature is to also re-embrace dangerous "right-wing" ideas.
But in the Anglosphere, masculinity is associated with a kind of Libertine "fuck you, I've got mine jack" image and mentality.
My 2 cents. Good blog! John Carter recommended you!
Thanks for showing up! All true enough, what you say, but I am of the feeling one can embrace one's masculinity without embracing authoritarianism, nationalism, the libertine or a "sky daddy".
John has good things to say about you. It sounds like you have been a good friend to him. Now I am going to read your book.
Thank you for the support! I'd like to return the favor! Let me know if you want to talk on a podcast together or guest-post or cross-recommend blogs or anything like that. Happy to network!
Talk on a podcast? Nobody ever asked me that before. I will listen to a few of yours so I catch the gist of it. Botfoj73@substack. If you send an email let me know. Emails through substack can be sketchy.
"True re-embracement of one's masculine nature is to also re-embrace dangerous 'right-wing' ideas."
The idea of there even being a masculine nature is a "dangerous" right-wing idea in our feminized culture!
Also, great point about the Anglosphere's misconceived image of masculinity as a "libertine fuck you, I've got mine jack" persona. Hence, the idea in the West that masculinity can only be toxic or that narcissists like Andrew Tate are somehow representing masculinity.
Beautiful essay.
Do you have children?
A guy at the bar the other night asked me the same and got very uncomfortable when I said no, like I was going to hit on him. He has 4, and three grandkids, only 3 years older than me. Child rearing will definitely make a man of ya.
The reason I asked, is I would've assumed you wrote what you wrote, because you had met a woman and had raised a family. In that context, masculinity makes sense. This is what it means to be a man - but only in relation to family life.
What applies to a single male without children, can also apply to a single female.
Thus...
"A woman can take care of herself, she is self-supporting. That does not mean she does not have others in her life, that does not mean she doesn’t need anyone else. It simply means she can be alone and she won’t collapse and fall apart, but rather thrive.
A woman has skills. If you don’t have any skills (in something other than raising cats,) if you are functionally useless, then you are not much of a woman. There really is no excuse. Get skilled.
A woman takes risks. If you are risk averse you are never going to grow up. Character is built by taking risk and risking failure. Failure builds character at least as well as success, arguably better. That is good advice I suppose for men, but I think it is imperative for women to be women."
I'm 55. I've lived a life of solitude. I knew around the age of 14 that I wasn't interested in having a family. The male archetype for me is nothing more than a contributing member of society. I don't imagine a female archetype would be different for women who choose solitude. Except of course, for all of the cats.
Plenty of overlap, though in the tradition of the esotere there are distinct differences between male and female, while certain mythologies apply to all men whether they have children or not. As for masculinity only relating to family life, and I assume you mean by that having children, I would counter that we are all of a family even if we don't have children of our own, we associate with other men, we associate with nephews, nieces and the children of neighbors and friends, in which masculinity applies. I do suppose however if one is something like a monk he might stand outside the common mythologies.
Like I said though too - A man does not try to explain the sacred/divine/sublime feminine.
If someone doesn't play the role model of father, stepfather, uncle, or brother, where does that leave masculinity?
I come from a family as an only child. I was raised to 'be a man', which for all practical purposes meant holding down a job and paying the bills. That doesn't make me different from a woman who chose a similar path and did those things.
In terms of friendship, I expect my friendships would be more superficial than female friendships. That's more of an observation than from personal experience. I don't have trouble making friends; I'm disinclined to invest the time and energy to maintain them.
Sports, martial arts, manual labor amongst men, men-only camping, hunting and fishing, shooting, mentoring, just sitting around the bar jawing. Also, husband/boyfriend/partner. All these, masculinity plays a role.
My father took me fishing, but I was too young to understand the appeal of it. I still don't.
Real life mentor? None. I consider Carl Sagan to be my mentor.
Of the activities you mentioned, only the manual labor relationship is one I experienced. One of my first jobs was working for a fellow in his seventies. We worked side by side on projects he had going. Always had lots of projects and never enough time to finish them all. I was impressed that a man of his age could still do manual labour.
Unlike a typical employer/employee relationship, we worked well together and became friends.
Did I regard him as masculine?
I had no reason to, by virtue of his physical appearance or behavior. The only thing I considered stereotypical about him were his interactions with his wife. Quarrelsome old couple, but in a good way. Theirs was not a loveless marriage.
Compared to women, men rarely open up. If a male co-worker wanted to talk, I would listen and converse with them. I didn't consider it weird, or improper. At the other extreme, there was one guy who wouldn't stop talking about his life. From 2AM to 7AM, he had endless anecdotes. I'm a good listener, but he wore me out.
Thank-you for touching on something I still don't get. From my perspective, masculinity doesn't exist without femininity. Not on the points you mention. You are, you want to be, because she has certain expectations. This doesn't come solely from yourself.
Also UB, I was with a woman for a number of years, helping her raise her kids.
Beautiful. I appreciate your thoughts.
Thanks for sharing this, I Iook forward to the next 'chapters'.
I forgot to mention that I had read the enchantment article by John Michael Greer.
What happens when a masculine archetype enters into a relationship with a feminine non-archetype?
Women would do well not to get involved with a man with an archetype complex, and vice versa.
Thank you!
My experience writing fictional female characters is, it is best to let them speak for themselves. Which is a good life lesson. And yes, I think it can only be good, more men talking to men about what it is to be a man.